Are you on the outside looking in? Have you ever been in a situation where you were clearly not included based on your appearance, social status or general involvement? Unfortunately, during my life I have been marred with countless situations where I have not been included or been with the “in” crowd. When I was younger, I felt as though I was plagued with this unfortunate circumstance. It is this social position that has made me the individual that I am today. In some cases, I find it very comical and a bit motivating to be on the outside looking in.
However, there are still times where I feel as though I am an outsider still looking in. In this case, I am forced to take a hard look at myself in the mirror and reinforce my position and know that what I do and who I am makes me an individual. I am an individual that will not fall victim to social circumstance, I am an individual who has conviction and I will not let others dictate my feelings or my motivation.
I share this because recently I was not invited to an event. Now, on the surface it seemed relatively meaningless. Unfortunately, this incident stirred some ugly self-doubt that had seemingly been lifeless for a very long time. So that got me thinking. Am I an outsider looking in? I began to think of all the things that are important to me. I also began to think about my family, friends and my community. I began reflect on those who are important to me and why I would never feel like an outside to them. I made a decision not focus on the negative but only on the positive. How can I learn as an individual from this event? I made a conscience decision several years ago not to be the type of guy who would knowingly make an individual feel like an outsider. I will not contribute to this social branding and status designation.
I know for certain that this is what draws me towards people who have a story. I have always gravitated towards individuals who fight for what they believe in and have the intestinal fortitude to go out and work towards their goals. I am fortunate to be surrounded by my three beautiful girls and loving wife who would never treat me as an outsider. I am also blessed to be surrounded by like-minded individuals at Elm City Crossfit who share the same fight and motivation when it comes to physical fitness, nutritional choices and positive general health. These people are collectively a community but independently they are individuals with their own set of short-comings, per-existing issues, limitations and demons who struggle against them daily. We all have them but in our community we have collectively made some tough decisions to battle for what we want. These individuals will never be judged in the court of social righteousness. In our environment, there is no barometer or standard for physical status. It is about hard work and participation. You will always be a part of our group the simple fact that you have made a decision to be an individual and face your fears. These speak volumes of what kind of person you really are! For the mere fact that you walk in the door and toe the line, you have made a conscience decision to change your life. No one can place a sticker on your appearance- they cannot tag your personality. It is about conviction, drive and motivation. No one will ever be judged on output, weight or longevity. In life a person is ultimately judged on being an individual- being a hard working, motivated person. The world is less concerned with being “in” and more concerned with being an individual. ~ The Average Joe
Hmmmmm. I've read this so many times in the last couple of weeks because it resonates. so I figure why not post my thoughts. Its tough being an outsider. At the hospital I stand on the side of the bed with physicians who look nothing me, talk nothing like me, and probably view the world from a very different perspective. Or I will go to a dance studio to take a random ballet class and suddenly it hits me: "one of these things just doesn't belong". Even when I do get the chance to be around people that may superficially seem "black like me", I get constant and sometimes brutal reminders that I'm missing the all-important American in the African-American. Sometimes,i imagine its like being cursed twice over, and sometimes I also wonder when I can finally be in a place where I'm not an 'outsider'.
ReplyDeleteBut what I've found is that the only thing more important than the ways we stand out, are the ways we fit in... and that does not imply forsaking your individuality, but it means focusing on what we as humans have in common-emotions, desires, love for family, and the like- and to see those parts of yourself that are reflected in the lives of others. Because every single person regardless of how rich or poor, how educated and privileged, regardless of where he/she grew up, what language they may call their native tongue is fundamentally the same (or so goes my philosophy). It just takes requires a little bit of mental exertion on our parts, to dig beneath the surface and find it
Glad I read this, very uplifting. My oldest son is in third grade, the age children seem to really start honing their social cruelty. Many times he's come home from school, heartbroken from being on the losing side of elementary school exclusivity. I always reassure him that it's got nothing to do with him, telling him "it's their loss" if they don't want to be his friend. And each time I relay this pearl of maternal wisdom, I cringe inside at my own hypocrisy. Even as an adult I fail to believe this- instead I take any rejection or perceived slight as a clear message that I am simply not cool/pretty/smart enough.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great piece of writing on it's own, but it's even better as someone who knows you, "The Average Joe". From the moment I joined ECC, my impression of you was that you were just one of those charismatic guys who other people are naturally drawn to- and I assumed you always had been. I saw someone who coached his classes with unwavering confidence, and was constantly surrounded by a group of friends, or athletes seeking advice and hanging on your every word. So to hear that someone like you has ever felt like an outsider is a shock. Thus, it's even more inspiring that you have not only found a community where you fit in- you have literally CREATED your own. That is something to be proud of.